Until u hear it from me,the rest are just hearsays.,,
& Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Suddenly..I remember.
So I went home with Iffah sneaking a peak at me from the stairs.
So I said "Eh Hello! You're not sleeping yet?"
And daddy from downstairs started screaming at her.
"Why haven't you sleep since just now?!?!"
And I felt bad for exposing her.
So the mother went on down to cook rice for the other boy,
since he was home unexpected.
Knowing Iffah, she does not like to stay alone in the room at night,
so I went up to accompany her, and get her to sleep.
There I saw her cuddling to a corner crying.
I asked her why and she said, in the most 'Im-so-disappointed-in-myself-voice':
"Ayah always scold me. Everyone always scold me. And also just now i did something wrong with my Madrasah Class!"
(Wow! I'm so proud of her English. And I didn't even paraphrase.)
So I when on to ask her what she meant by that. So she ranto her school bag and cuddled up in y arms with her report book. So she failed one subject out of 9. And that is Iqra/Al-quran a foreign language to her. I mean I am not encouraging her to NOT know God's language, but give her a break she is only 5!? Besides she did awesomely well for the rest. Then she went on pointing to me which subject she did good in and which one she didn't, still curled up in my arms.
I asked if mother scolded her for that, as I expect her too, and she sadly nodded.
Then I remembered my childhood. Daddy was a man of black and white! Mummy was a strict woman!
Mummy made sure for my kindergarten classes, I need to get 3 stars from the teacher everytime I got home. If I get any less than 3, she would have a whole lecture and go to the point of making me cry.
If I were to colour out of the lines, she would knock my knuckles with a pen (Mind you I was 5!)
If I were to get any wrong spellings she would make me seat through the night until I could spell the word correctly.
In kindergarten, Mummy would give surprise spot checks to see how I was in school.
I couldn't bring any form of games to school.
..and I remebered in Eunos Primary, there was this fettish of making Jumping Cards out of Phone cards and rubber bands. I had one, and I kept it a secret. One day she found out, It got confiscated and she went down to school to ask my teacher, my school's conduct.
I was expected to get 95 and above(the Then Band 1) for all my results in primary school, or I would get the choice of Belt or Hangers.
Daddy would never let me skip school not once! Not until you're very sick. And there I was listening to other kids getting MCs for stomachaches and my other cousins skipping school for aimless reasons.
Daddy would not care that he spends his time with his siblings at their place watching soccer till late night, and I having yet to finish my homework, but he still expects me to go school next day. He would say:
"You should have finish it earlier."
I am not doing this to magnify the things that my parents did to me. I mean a lot of it shapes the person that I am today.
Then I thought.
Maybe the reasons why I am easily affected by comments, or the reasons why I am so emotional all had to do with this. Maybe thats why I'm loud in school and a shell back home!
Hey! It surely must not be easy for a child to hear from the only people you knew to love, say: "If you go out in slippers you would embarass me! Im not bringing you out anymore!"
Of course the older brother got worst treatment than I did.
But I didnt do half the Juvenile things that he did.
Ok. Back to the sister. I think she should not live a life of expectations. She should do things of her own record. Of her own decision.
That makes human distinct from robots.
I don't want her to end up with my qualities.
I dont want her to feel heavy from expressing love and warmth with her family members.
It is sad that she would spend a lot of her primary school life alone like me. Because The brother would be working and me would be in the dreadful NS!
I just hope she's strong.
Before I left her tonight.
She looked in my eyes and she whispered.
"I miss you. Tomorrow can you fetch me?"
Again the answer was.
"Im sorry! I've got school."
( 7:54 AM )