& Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Maybe it's time now.
Everyone, has been so different towards me lately.
Close or just talk-able friends.
Nicer, much nicer.
Like something different.
Not that I want to blow it out of proportians,
but sometimes it makes me feel like I under appreciate myself.
Here is my mantra I sing myself to sleep every night:
I was fat, and thin, then fat again and now Im lost.
I was gorgeous, and then "new-gorgeous-friends-syndrome" happened..
and now my best friend "Ugly" accompanies me everyday.
No Munah not you. Its my face.
My skin is too oily.
Im broke for eternity.
I want to be different, with my own unique qualities.
But that would be me.
Wouldn't it? Would it?
Should I conform?
Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like my friends are too good for me.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like my friends don't understand me.
Sometimes I act too much.
Sometimes I want to show I'm hurt.
Sometimes I wish to be stronger.
I don't like dogs, and I feel like they're coming to get me.
SBS drivers are always out there to conspirate againts me.
Soccer balls, are attracted to me- with high impact mind you?
Maybe sometimes, I am in love.
But other times, I just pretend not to be.
Maybe sometimes, I miss being daddy's boy.
Maybe sometimes, I miss my sister.
Maybe that's why, I love your niece.
I miss my maid.
I feel underwhelmed with myself with my current diploma.
I miss speaking malay.
I miss singing Karaoke with my mother.
Honestly, I vaguely remember why we turn out like this.
I love raining sunday mornings, but no one to snuggle me.
Maybe you never notice.
Or like me we pretend not to notice.
I wish to be more pious.
I wish to be more rich
If I have a wish now, I wish for more wishes.
Then that wish can last me a lifetime.
I want to give you happiness.
I still think of you.
I do think of us.
I do think of the "what-could-have-beens".
I hate regrets, but I always play myself around it.
I wish to recover from this illness.
I want to think saint.
I don't want to be vain.
But everyone else is gorgeous.
Imperfections is not realistic, but feeling ugly is all too much.
I know you think I'm playing the attention-seeking game.
I get the vibe.
But when you're in this mind, it's not the same.
I can read behind those eyes, how you judge me everyday.
I can't stand you.
I don't recognise you.
You have disappointed me.
You have much to learn.
What assignments are due?
What to wear tommorow?
How to make you laugh?
How to make me laugh?
How to make them laugh?
or will it seem too much.
Sometimes I wish I had 'alone time' this semester.
Just once, I wanted to be someone's favourite.
Will you ever declare and shout, "I'm the best (fill in relationship with me), you've ever had!".
Sometimes, I think i'm gonna die.
And I want you to cry.
Because that means you loved me.
Things about me, I'll leave you 3 years to figure out.
If you don't want to.
Why? I would want you too.
Honestly.
And then I go to sleep.
We're cars on a cable.
Life is an hourglass glued to the table.
No rewind buttons.
The best falls down..sometimes.
( 7:24 AM )
